I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
