dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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