wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
