u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ugly people sure do ruin things
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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