Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
