I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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