Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
