i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
