Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I smell stomach acid.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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