So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
