I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
