I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
