You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
