I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
