Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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