you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
