I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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