he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
