I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
