And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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