dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
