she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
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