Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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