Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
