Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
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I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Come share oat with me in your robe
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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