it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
