So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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