Got a toothbrush?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
