Kareoke will never be a sober sport
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
