I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
