i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
