I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You are a genius and a whore.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
