he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
