Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
