you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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