She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I believe in your delicious
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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