I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
