I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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