last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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