so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
