i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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