Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
