she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
