wrigley field is MILF paradise
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm at about main and main street
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
