I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
