So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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