Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize