goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
