I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize