Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
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I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
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