Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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