tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
