She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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