DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
