probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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