she was so not down for the gang bang
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
