absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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