If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
