Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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