So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
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Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
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We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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