even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
