sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My balls are so social today.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
