Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
