did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
