Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
