So drunk its hurt
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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