Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Are we still banned from the library?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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