dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
