where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
