she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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