hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize