im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
