worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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