dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
