There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
