My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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